Shapeshifter
Civilian
18
1,409 posts
4 likes
Played by Akeekitty
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Post by Akeelah on Apr 8, 2016 17:17:52 GMT -5
It was a long road down to get to where Akeelah wanted to go, but she moved on anyway. How long had it been since the leopard shifter had come to the forest? It had been far too long. So much of her life now had been spent locked away from the outside world that it felt like an eternity since she had last been in these woods. It was surprising that she even made it this far. There were so many people watching her every move now a days that sneaking away had seemed impossible. They meant well, all everyone else wanted was to keep her safe. But what for? Gil, Raffe, all the humans around her trying so desperately to keep her safe had failed to realize just how fruitless that all was. Akeelah was dead. Not on the outside but in the inside. The person she had once been had died a long time ago after that horrific night, maybe even before that. She had lost herself the day she gave her heart to Guillotine. From that point on she had became nothing more than a thing to possess, to be used as people saw fit, and discarded when no longer needed.
What was the point of an existence like that? The thought had crossed her mind more times than anyone could have realized. Now that she had given birth two her children the thought became more intrusive. She couldn't keep going anymore. Nothing brought her joy anymore, not her friends, her family, she couldn't even look at the children she struggled so hard to bring into this world. She had out lived her use. Now it was time to end it. Akeelah had waited past night fall when everyone was asleep to creep out of her room, steal a knife, and sneak out of the house to come to the forest. If she was going to end things tonight she couldn't do it there. If she was discovered too soon someone would stop her. Besides, she wanted to finish where everything started. She wanted to be here.
The forest used to be her home at some point. She had loved prowling through the forest in her animal form to hunt. The forest was peaceful most of the time and put her at ease. Now it did nothing. Like so many things what had once held such cherished memories for her just brought despair. She couldn't even bring up the will to transform one more time. Her confinement had taken on a bigger toll than the others could have imagined. Not being able to shift as often as she was used to was starting to turn her feral. It was an unfortunate problem her kind could have. Too much time spent in one form after awhile made the more dominate form take over, blocking out the instinct, and finally the other form. Her leopard form was dying with her spirit. Trying to transform was becoming more difficult so why bother? She wouldn't need to worry about it soon.
On silent steps Akeelah walked further into the forest, not paying much attention to where she was going. She didn't need to pay attention though, despite how long it had been she knew exactly where she was going. It took 20 minutes to reach the old house in the forest. This was it. The end of the road. This runned down building had been the place she used to sleep in when she used to live in these woods. It was the first place she had found and made into her home in New Orlands. Now it would be her grave. Akeelah checked around to make sure no one was around before heading inside. Her feet brought her into her old den. Her things had long since been gone from the time she had once lived here but beyond that nothing much had changed. Something else had made its home here though. She could smell the faint traces of a wolf lingering in this place but the creature was no longer here. Hopefully they wouldn't return, or if they did they would make a meal out of her.
Akeelah walked over to the darkest corner of the room before sitting down and pulling out her stolen knife. The steel blade glowed lightly in the dim light of the moon. Could she really do this? There were not a lot of ways to end her life quick and painlessly that she could find. This knife was her best choice, but still she hesitated. It would hurt, she knew that. With a deep breath and brought the blade to her wrist with shaking hands. It would hurt but eventually that pain would cease. It was now or never. The girl yelped as she made the first cut. The blade was sharp and cut deeply, she could see the blood pouring out of her immediately, but it wouldn't be enough if she planned to bleed out. Just...keep going. she brought the blade a little further up her arm, biting down on her bottom lip as she braced herself to make the next cut.
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Hellhound
Civilian
Unknown
24 posts
5 likes
Played by Elemental
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Post by Alierah on Apr 9, 2016 22:08:14 GMT -5
Alierah sprinted madly through the forest. She was barefoot, but that had no effect on her. She had a short, plain dress wired around her ankle and she was running in nothing but her bra and underwear. They were also plain, for Alierah never knew when she would shift. The girl had stripped off her clothing the second she saw that Akeelah was gone, and that Akeelah happened to be missing. The hellhound wasn't the brightest or most compassionate slut in the whorehouse, but she wasn't an idiot all of the time. Akeelah had been too reclusive lately, and Nova didn't know where she went when Ali popped over, which was a huge red flag. Ali checked up on Akeelah often because she knew she was sad, and Alierah hated her "brother" for it among other things, -- like even being related to him, and the death of one of her children, and the disappearance and injury of her ex mate, and his f*cking existence, really -- but she didn't realize just how hurt Akeelah was. And now, thanks to her idiot f*cking littermate, she had to fix it like always.
When Alierah was finally deep enough in the woods to not cause a ruckus, she leapt forward and, in a burst of obnoxious flame that rippled from her head to her toes, she landed on four large paws and continued at an even faster dash. She always enjoyed the world in her hellhound form, for it was as if somebody had set her senses to a higher constrast. She could see better, hear quiet things, smell things she couldn't smell in her human form, and taste every little detail. Dogs were superior to humans, and although her senses were heightened as a human, she'd never not miss her hound form. Unforunately for Alierah, though, she wasn't focused on the things she enjoyed. She was focused on Akeelah's scent and following through the forest. Akeelah had been created to be the huntress; Gil was clearly the fighter. Jude, although from a different litter born at the same time, was the charmer. While Gil could easily beat Ali in terms of brute force, she was taller and slimmer and, well, smarter. Alierah had the senses and the tactics to outsmart and hunt. They served well in Hell and they served well in the mortal world, too.
So well, in fact, that catching Akeelah's scent had been way too easy, and it didn't take long before she smelled blood. Akeelah's blood. Alierah swore in her mind and forced herself into a faster pace. Not too much later she could hear struggling and saw the house just ahead. Skidding to a stop, the girl shoved her huge hellhound body around the abandoned building, ignoring the scent of the wolf as her senses were only pinned on Akeelah. She eventually found the girl and tackled her on the spot, growling lowly and licking aggressively at her bloodied wounds. Though light in weight compared to other hounds, she was still quite tall and heavy. Alierah telepathically spoke to Akeelah with a high pitched, echoing voice. Ali rarely used her real voice in hound form.
"What's cooking, good looking?" Ali laughed into Akeelah's mind, trying to avoid what was really happening.
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Shapeshifter
Civilian
18
1,409 posts
4 likes
Played by Akeekitty
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Post by Akeelah on Apr 9, 2016 23:45:10 GMT -5
The second cut was easier to make than the first one. The pain was still intense but now that the initial shock was gone it was easier. Same with the third. More blood poured out but she knew it wouldn't be enough for her to die. As small as she was she had survived worse damage in the past. She had survived Gil's attack, and while nearly dying again giving birth to three cubs her body still managed to keep going. But not anymore. She refused to live anymore. She had lost too much to keep on going. That one desire was enough to keep her going. The more she cut, the more blood would be spilled, and the sooner her life would end. The sooner the better. There was no telling how much time she had between when she left to when her disappearance would be noticed. It was hard to find this one time to do what she was doing now. If she was caught there would she would never have another chance again.
As the blood flowed out her body began to feel lighter, it was harder to focus now. Even the knife felt heavier in her hands. Would this be enough? Should she stop and just wait for the end? She wouldn't get the chance to make that decision herself. Just as she started to feel lighter something large knocked her back down. A groan escaped her lips as she felt something wet against her bleeding arm. What was going on? Had something come to finish her off? When she heard a voice echo through her head she knew what hit her. “A-Ali?” the shifter dropped her gaze the moment she realized who was on top of her. Great. She had been caught after all. “Leave me alone...” the girl let out a weak growl. Her fate was sealed, she knew that it was over now that she had been discovered but she didn't want to surrender to her fate. All she wanted was to die like she was suppose to on the the night Gil had attacked her, but no matter what she did nothing would let her. Why did everyone try to stop her?
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Hellhound
Civilian
Unknown
24 posts
5 likes
Played by Elemental
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Post by Alierah on Apr 10, 2016 11:58:45 GMT -5
Alierah simply continued licking Akeelah's blood more, the wounds bleeding an alarming amount. She wasn't the type to worry, and she found it hard sometimes to care about others over herself, but it had become much easier after the death of two of the three children she had, while the other one had gone missing. She could easily attribute one death to Guillotine for certain... Whether the other one had died because of his belligerence or not was unclear, but she had no problem blaming it on him. As for the third, the only girl, she'd been kidnapped. Ali didn't know who had taken her, or where, but she could easily say it was eating her alive. Of course, Alierah didn't talk about it though. Who would? Especially not to Akeelah, who had her own problems. The hellhound wasn't the type to talk about things like that anyway.
Now, in the present, Alierah was simply laying on top of the shapeshifter and licking fervently at her wounds, whining. "Alone to do what? Cut yourself some more? Do you know how stupid you sound?" Alierah whined more and slumped off of Akeelah, sniffing at her wounds. "First of all, I am disappointed in your knife skills. Decades in Hell teaches you a thing or two," Not that Alierah could remember specifics. She was almost pure instinct. Circling a bit and then standing still, the beast simply stared at Akeelah. "Come on, sit up. Tell me Akeelah, do you not value your life even for your children? Who will raise them when you are dead?" Ali stepped over and clamped the knife tightly in her jaw with a low growl, the doggish way of telling Akeelah to let go.
Ali continued her monologue. "Will Nova and Spoon? Did you plan to put them on me because you knew I wouldn't let those PIDA boys be their caretakers?" All eight of her eyes focused on Akeelah's. "You're damning them to the same loneliness Guillotine damned you to. Their patriarch is unstable, violent, and a danger. Their matriarch killed herself because they weren't worth sticking around for." Alierah's growl deepened the more she thought about it. Her echoing voice inside Akeelah's head remained calm and soothing despite this, for anger was not much in Ali's nature. "You are blind to the reasons you have to live. You have much to live for and you cannot see it. I would gladly take in your children, because I lost my own. Do not give them up, because that is like telling me to go f*ck myself." Ali wagged her tail once, simply scanning her friend over. The blood overwhelmed her senses, and she just wanted to keep licking it, but she had to get the knife away.
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Shapeshifter
Civilian
18
1,409 posts
4 likes
Played by Akeekitty
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Post by Akeelah on Apr 10, 2016 14:39:23 GMT -5
Why was this happening? All Akeelah wanted to do was die in peace, but like with everything else the thing she wanted the most was slipping past her grasp. When all she wanted was to go back to her old world to be with her family again she was too tied down in this world to continue her search, when she wanted to leave Gil she was beaten into submission, and now when all she wanted was to die Alierah had come to stop her. A part of her knew something like this was going to happen. Hadn't she said as much to Gil the last time she had seen him? “...if you are worried that I am going to kill myself after don't. As much as I want to die I know well enough that someone will just stop me if I try, so I have given up on the idea of taking my own life. What I want doesn't matter. If I want to die for good it doesn't matter. You don't have to worry about that.” She should have known better than to try this but she did anyway. It didn't matter at the time what the facts were, she saw an opportunity and took the chance to take it. And look where it got her.
It was over, she lost. Alierah once she found a way to stop the bleeding would take her back to her caretakers and soon after that she would probably be locked away by the PIDA so they could ensure she would never pull a stunt like this again. It wouldn't matter to them how much she hated her existence, or what more psychological damage being locked away forever would do so long as she was alive. Still she tried to defy her fate. Akeelah couldn't look Alierah in the eye but she still found enough courage to tell her to leave her alone, only to have the hellhound chastise her for it. “That's the idea...yeah...” she retorted back, her tone as emotionless as it normally was now a days. “You should know by now that I am a very stupid girl.” the girl let out a soft humorless laugh when Ali started to criticize her 'work'. “I'm....disappointed to. If I had done a better job I would have been dead before you could have found me. I can try to do a better if you let me go.” While Akeelah had her gaze lowered she could feel her companion's fangs wrapped around her wrist. The female hellhound wanted her to let go of the knife but she kept her grip on it. Maybe if she held on tightly enough Alierah would bite down hard enough to open up a new wound, or maybe snap her wrist right off so she could bleed out faster. It was a long shot but one she was willing to take if it meant getting the results she was hoping for.
Akeelah didn't move from her spot even when she was told to, whether she was just too physically weak to do so or just couldn't bring up the will to do so she didn't know. There was no change in her attitude even when Alierah brought up her children. Akeelah had plenty of time to think about this before the cubs had been born, and some time after she birthed them. “What good is a mother that can't love her children?” Akeelah asked the other female. “What good is a mother that can't even hold them in her arms without feeling regret? They deserve better than me. Anyone would be better for them than me. What reason do I have to live for? For the children I can not care for? For the man who killed the old me? For everyone else that I am a constant burden for? There is no point anymore so why should I try?”
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Hellhound
Civilian
Unknown
24 posts
5 likes
Played by Elemental
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Post by Alierah on Apr 10, 2016 22:38:33 GMT -5
Alierah growled, though not because she was angry at Akeelah. She was frustrated with herself and her inability to handle these situations. She didn't know how to stop somebody from killing themselves. Hellhounds weren't like that. It wasn't in their nature. Their entire existence was prey, f*ck, kill, survive, repeat. There was no time for self-loathing, at least not to the point of trying to kill themselves. Of course Ali had emotions and felt like sh*t sometimes, like currently it seemed to be a long-ass low for her, but she didn't want to off herself. She wanted to off the people that brought her the pain, not give into it. The girl couldn't possibly begin to understand Akeelah and how she felt, because she was a dog of Hell and Akeelah was a cat of the higher planes. That's all it boiled down to. It dawned on Ali why Akeelah and Guillotine didn't and never would've worked out, and that's because hellhounds like Gil couldn't surpass their basic instincts. Alierah didn't doubt he cared about Akeelah... But Jude cared about Katrina and treated her like the angel was literally was.
Ali was stuck in the middle.
She wasn't batsh*t insane like Gil, she wasn't a quiet killer and King of Repent like Jude, and she wasn't a heartless slut like her sister. They all represented a sin of some degree. Gil was Wrath, Jude was Pride, and Cambria was Lust... But what did Alierah have going for her? Nothing, really, in terms of Hell. She was just... There. Was she Gluttony? No, she didn't really kill and consume on impulse like she was expected to. She wasn't Greed, or Sloth... There was only Envy left, and she couldn't say she envied anything. Acedia? Perhaps, because she was depressed without joy at times, but never for too long. She wasn't Vainglory either, so what the f*ck? Alierah was just Alierah, and that didn't feel like a good thing sometimes, especially when all she wanted to do was help a friend that didn't want help. Part of her was telling Akeelah to f*ck off, that if she wanted to be alone so badly then Alierah would leave right then. But Ali knew she didn't want to do that. She couldn't just walk away. She was too... Loyal.
Alierah was stuck in the middle.
For a moment her growl grew louder and deeper before she placed a paw on Akee's arm. "I'm going to set my paw on fire and leave a third degree burn in the shape of it on your arm if you don't let up." Ali changed her grip to the hilt of the knife and began ripping her head back and forth. She'd get the damn knife one way or another, and there was no way Akeelah could handle that pain. Although Ali was a bit deterred considering Akeelah just tried to kill herself via poorly inflicted knife cuts. Alierah groaned loudly into Akeelah's mind. "You're not a burden on me or Nova or Spoon! Akeelah your children want you and only you. I can not stand to be the one to tell them their mother killed herself and I could not stop her. They are just pups!..." Ali was growing emotional and it was scaring her. She ripped at the knife even harder than before, wanting desperately to just be rid of it. "You are a great mother and I will help you through this, just... Just let me, okay? Gil killed a piece of you that you will never get back. He killed a piece of me too, Akeelah." She sighed and watched Akeelah again. "There is no sense trying to get those parts of us back again." Alierah whimpered. She was sad, too, as crazy as it seemed. Unlike Akeelah, though, she needed somebody else to be her friend through it.
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Shapeshifter
Civilian
18
1,409 posts
4 likes
Played by Akeekitty
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Post by Akeelah on Apr 11, 2016 17:02:16 GMT -5
“Do you think I care if you burn me?” Akeelah snarled back as she tightened her grip on the knife. She did not want to just cave in and let go of her one piece of salvation even if it was clear that she had lost. “Why stop there? Burn the rest of me as well.” Why did Alierah have to care so damn much if she lived or not? Cambria's words echoed through her mind about how hellhounds were really suppose to be like. They were suppose to be selfish, uncaring, beasts weren't they? That was the excuse the female hellhound had given when Akeelah caught her with Gil. Gil claimed that he loved her back then, and even now he still did, but the things that he had done said something else. Even now she didn't know when he would hurt her again. Why did Alierah care so much if she lived or died? She couldn't tell if what Cambria said was true or not. Telling the difference between right and wrong was hard to tell anymore. Akeelah couldn't trust her own judgment on anything anymore.
Despite her best efforts to keep the knife in her handdAlierah was able to force the knife free from her grip. The girl whimpered when she lost the blade but made no attempts to get it back. What was the point in trying anymore? She had failed again. She failed at killing herself and now she would pay the price for it. “Fine. You win. Are you happy now? At least one of us can be.” She couldn't even muster up enough emotion to make what she said sound sarcastic. It was funny how the shifter's mind worked now a days. When she wasn't sad she started to slip into apathy. Her mind simply shut down and she just stopped caring. She didn't know what was worse between the two. Apathy kept her alive, but it wasn't a life worth living. Akeelah remained quiet and seemed almost submissive as Alierah spoke to her.
It was hard to tell if the shifter was listening or not, even if she was there was no telling just how much of the conversation was getting to her, but at the mention of her children something in her snapped again. “...Liar.” the words came out as nothing more than a whisper at first. “You're full of shit and you know it. What kind of mother can't even look at her own cubs? What kind of mother can't even name them?” Akeelah had a very rough pregnancy, from learning she was pregnant after almost getting killed by her ex, being locked away to protect her from said ex, then later having to be forced even further in confinement because of Gil's enemy who was on the loose, and being bedridden once again after giving birth, the girl had not been in the best state of mind prior to her children's birth. She tried to stay safe just to give her unborn children the chance to live but once they were born the motherly instincts that should have kicked in never came.
That had been one of the hardest moments in Akeelah's life. Mothers were suppose to love their children no matter what. Her own mother had struggled so hard to keep Akeelah alive in her first few months into the world, despite how many people told her her runt of a daughter would not live. Yet when Akeelah looked at her children all she felt was despair. She had been afraid that something like this would happen. After what happened with Gil she had felt dead inside, she didn't know if she would be capable of loving them when she couldn't love anyone. She was as bad as a leopard mom that abandoned her cubs shortly after their birth and she knew it. She didn't deserve to live. “You are right....Gil killed a part of me. There is nothing left worth saving. I don't want to live anymore...but there is no point trying to die if everyone will stop me anyway. My life is not my own, I gave up my rights the moment I became Gil's mate....can you get off so I can go back...” the girl trailed off before she could finish what she was trying to say. Go back where? To confinement? Her 'room'? She wasn't sure where she would go after this. The moment that the others found out what she did she would probably be moved to somewhere more restrictive. Whatever, it didn't matter if her new cage was her own room, or some padded cell in the PIDA. A prison was still a prison.
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Hellhound
Civilian
Unknown
24 posts
5 likes
Played by Elemental
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Post by Alierah on Apr 11, 2016 20:49:24 GMT -5
Alierah continued her inhuman growl, the knife flinging across the room when Akeelah finally let go. "You are so... Infuriating! I'm trying to help you!" Alierah screamed and stalked over to the knife, using her voice to speak because she was mentally exhausted. It was a strange mixture of a deep male voice and a menacing female one; like two people saying the exact same thing at the same time. Alierah only used it when she wanted to sound scary, like a cat who puffed its fur and arched its back, but that wasn't the case this time. She was just too emotional and tired to say what she needed to through mental communication. Her voice, now, was quiet at first, but slowly growing in volume. "I am sorry that I am the sister of your ex mate. I am sorry I am the sister of the bitch he cheated on you with. I am sorry that I cannot fucking comprehend what you are feeling, because I am a HELLHOUND, from HELL, and I was not FUCKING MADE FOR THIS. I was made to eat things like you. I was created to tear apart the underlings and serve DEMONS. I was made to take this knife," -- she loomed over it now, glaring at Akeelah -- "And drive it into your flesh FOR YOU. So were Guillotine, Cambria, Jude, and Havoc. We are hellhounds. Do you know how we show our love? We don't. We fight, and we are fucking mean as hell. If you can't handle the fleas, don't lay with the dogs." She licked her lips, recalling the brutal fights she'd had in the past, particularly with Gil, and wishing she'd only made them bloodier.
"I have put up with Guillotine and Cambria's abuse for centuries, and you are telling me that because of him, your life is a mess now? No. No, no, no, no no. It is a mess because you are letting it become a fucking mess, because you are allowing yourself to be WEAK. You are NOT weak, and I expect greater from you. Got it? I always hated myself for being different; even Jude, who grew a heart for an ANGEL, was still a little hellhound. Not me. I could not compare. Perhaps I have now found my calling, Akeelah." Alierah's body was once again engulfed in flame; and there in its place stood a curved, naked woman with a dress wired around her ankle. She didn't bother putting it on, though, because she had long since forgotten about it. The woman instead bent down and picked the knife up with shaky fingers, her eyes never leaving Akeelah. "If you want to play a suicidal recital, I will play along. For every stupid fucking thing that you say, I'm going to take this knife," Ali lifted it by the hilt and took a step out of the shadows toward Akeelah, halting only a couple paces from the girl. "And I am going to fucking stab myself. So far, I have counted nine idiotic responses." And Ali wasn't joking. She lifted the knife and started on the same arm Akeelah had cut up the most. She lifted the weapon, and drove it into her flesh without hesitation. The blade easily sliced through her arm and protruded from the other side of it. Alierah did this three more times on the same arm before doing it five times on her right arm, all without missing a single beat or stopping for a second. She grunted and yelped with each slice while blood spurted and gushed into her face and onto her chest, but it wasn't nearly as painful for her as it would be for a human. It was just like a needle. Or a fork. More annoying than painful.
Alierah left the knife inside of her body on the ninth stab, her eyes watering from the pain. Blood running wildly down her arms and sides, the brunette's usually blue eyes were now a firy red. She'd never truly faced anger before, not like this. "Do I seem crazy yet? I hope so! I am an impulsive, reckless whore. I am a hellhound. You should have expected that." Alierah's voice wasn't normal; it was off-key and frantic, and she only continued. "We are not cuddly! But we can love. I loved. I still love. Jude and Guillotine love. But if you can't handle the mother. Fucking. Fleas," She grabbed the hilt of the knife. "Then don't you dare fucking lay with the dogs. We are not friendly when we are hungry, and we are always starving." She yanked the knife upward, hands and feet already coated in blood as more fell from the long wound she had just inflicted. Alierah yelped again before aggressively tearing the knife from her body and throwing it into a wall. "Say one more stupid thing, I fucking dare you. I swear on God and Satan and the life of my SOLE remaining child -- because Gil killed the other two -- that if you EVER take your fucking children for granted again, I will fucking kill them in front of you and THEN you'll actually have a reason to die." Ali didn't mean it, but she thought she did and that's what was important right then. She truly thought she was capable of killing children; and she might've been, if she didn't love these guys in particular a little too much.
Shoulders rising and falling with rage, smoke flared from the woman's nostrils the harder she puffed. "Let me be your friend, Akeelah, and I will not let you suffer anymore bullshit. I will keep the PIDA off of your furry ass, and you can live in fucking peace if you let. Me. In." Ali found the knife again and ran a finger across the blade, sticking it into her mouth with a threatening side glance to the shapeshifter. After several long moments, she spoke with the same soothe and seduction she was known for. "Do you have any questions?"
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Shapeshifter
Civilian
18
1,409 posts
4 likes
Played by Akeekitty
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Post by Akeelah on Apr 17, 2016 0:00:21 GMT -5
Akeelah remained eerily silent when the female hellhound started yelling at her. She knew that Alierah was only trying to help her out, she wasn't so lost that she couldn't figure that much out. It was just...she didn't want the kind of help everyone was trying to give her. Her life had become so empty after everything that happened that she saw no point to it anymore. What was the value of a life that was constantly filled with pain? Her issues with Guillotine were not the only bad experience in life, she had plenty more than this, not just with Gil, but with other things too. There was a time that she could still hold her head high and fight to get through it. There was a time in her life that she thought she was strong. But the more she went through the harder it was to deal with. There was only so many things one person could take and for her she had reached her limit. For all her perceived strength she was still just a young girl. A foolish, weak, young girl that had gotten way over her head.
All it took was one incident to make her realize what she really was, and when she did she stopped fighting. There was nothing left in her to fight for so why bother? Alierah didn't realize that though, she was still trying to save something that wasn't there anymore. Akeelah just wanted her to stop, not for her own selfish desires but for the hellhound's own sake. There was still some part of the shapeshifter that cared for others. She didn't want others to be burdened by her weak self, which is why she wanted to just leave, there was even enough left in her to want to take herself out of the equation so her cubs wouldn't have to live with a mother that couldn't give them the love that they deserved. Suicide was an extreme solution to that but she didn't know what else to do? She couldn't fix the way she was, she couldn't turn back time to change the past so what was she suppose to do?
For now she gave up. She knew it was pointless to try and take the knife back or try to harm herself again. When Alierah kicked the knife away and climbed off her, Akeelah sat up. She tried to stand so she could go back home like she said she would, but a sudden wave of dizziness forced her to stay down. The shifter leaned back against the wall instead, her gaze still lowered as Alierah continued talking. It was getting harder to focus now because of the blood loss but she still listened to what the hellhound had to say. The girl cringed at what Alierah had to say. She wanted to tell her to stop apologizing, and she definitely wanted to say she learned her lesson when it came to relationships. She learned the hard way that she should never love again, so much in fact she was having trouble loving anyone again, even her own children. But what good would it do to say anything? There was no point to it, but even then what Alierah said next made her speak up.
“I don't blame Gil anymore for what happened, or your sister...Its my own fault that Gil cheated on me. I couldn't satisfy his needs so he went elsewhere. He fucked other girls and forced himself on others because I failed as a mate.” Gil's betrayal had hurt, not just because of the things he had done but because she felt responsible for what he did. Gil laid with others because it was in his instinct to do so, she hadn't realized that but that didn't absolve her of guilt. Everyone he slept with or harmed was all because she couldn't keep him faithful. “I got myself hurt mentally and physically because I am a stupid girl that didn't understand what he was. I've never been strong, only foolish, and its taken me til now to realize that. I fucked up my own life, you don't have to tell me that and you don't need to bother wasting your time dealing with me either....as for you...you shouldn't feel bad that you are different. Maybe there is more to being a hellhound than you think there is, even if thats all there is to it the way you are is fine. Don't hate yourself for it or you will become just as pathetic as I am.”
It had taken some time for Akeelah to realize what she really was. Deep down in her heart when she caught Gil cheating on her she had blamed herself for it. That was why she had been so angry at the time, she knew she shared some of the blame for her mate's actions. She had been too naive to believe that his eyes wouldn't wander around someone else, especially one of his own kind. If she could have satisfied his needs even if he was tempted by another he might have resisted. Him attacking her when she refused to come back with him was also her fault. At the time she thought she had enough control to make such a decision, but she didn't. From the moment that she agreed to be Gil's mate she had given up her independence. She didn't have any right to refuse him, but she had been too blind to realize it. Not anymore. She knew what she was now and had to accept it no matter how badly she didn't want to. This was her fate. Despite being what she was she still had enough in her to care about others. She still cared about Alierah. Hearing the woman speak about herself the way she did it saddened her. A twinge of regret found its way into the girl's heart. Her moment of recklessness was bringing back unplesant thoughts in the hellhound's head. Akeelah didn't want that. She just wanted to free herself and unburden all the others that her existence was plaguing. Gil, her cubs, everyone...she couldn't fix herself enough to be a good mother, and her pain was effecting everyone else. She just wanted it to end. But all she was doing was causing more of it. It seemed like no matter what she did she made others suffer.
Things were only going to get worse from here. It was getting hard to focus with all the blood still pouring out of her. Akeelah's vision had already started to blur, she could barely make out Alierah's form but the sudden wave of heat was enough to tell her the female had taken on her human form. But as Alierah came closer Akeelah could still make out the words that she was saying, and what the female said made what little blood she did have left run cold. “W-what?” For the first time since Alierah spoke to her did she dare to look her in the eye. She barely had enough time to register what was being said to her when Alierah made her first stab, then another.
“N-no.” What was she doing? Why was she stabbing herself?!. It was one thing for Akeelah to do it, as messed up as it was she had done what she had done because she deserved it. She had wanted to die. But Alierah didn't want that did she? “Stop.” the words sounded so weak and feeble when she uttered them. “Stop it!" Akeelah tried to force herself on her feet again but another wavy of dizziness pushed her back on the ground. Still she tried to crawl over to Alierah to stop her. “I'm sorry.” This was all her fault. This was all her fucking fault. Akeelah had wanted to end the suffering she dealt with and caused but no matter what she did she only caused more of it. “I'm sorry.” Desperately Akeelah tried to grab the knife out of Alierah's grip though it would do little to solve the problem. Alierah had already done a number on herself and there didn't seem to be an end in sight. This was all her fault. Finally she broke down. Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed, apologizing profusely as she tried to stop the bleeding. She was the worse person in the fucking world.
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Hellhound
Civilian
Unknown
24 posts
5 likes
Played by Elemental
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Post by Alierah on Apr 21, 2016 18:21:38 GMT -5
Alierah growled. How did Akeelah manage to keep pinning the blame all on herself? It was so fucking annoying. The hellhound just wanted the emotions to stop. She'd clearly rather stab herself instead of sit through more mopey garbage, but Akeelah didn't appear to be getting the same idea. Akeelah just kept on feeling sad and sorry and at fault for everything. Ali couldn't fathom something like that. If something was her fault, she'd admit it. If something wasn't, there was no way in hell or heaven that she would ever take the blame for someone else's mistakes. "Dude, I am confused out of my damned mind. How... How the fuck do you take blame for Gil's issues? Do you think he takes blame for yours? Shit, I hate to say it but I think you could learn something from him. Hellhounds will never take the blame for somebody else."
Ali plopped to the ground, her arms sore from her self-harm. Akeelah had had a reaction that the hellhound didn't anticipate. Why was she freaking out so badly? It's not like she was going to die or anything. She wouldn't even face unconsciousness. For that to happen she'd have to lose more blood from more wounds than her body could heal. In fact, the bleeding had already slowed a gratuitous amount. It hadn't stopped completely, but it wasn't gushing. Alierah sighed and wiped a bloodied strand of hair from her face with the back of her hand. Despite Akeelah's own self-loathing, she was still trying to help Alierah feel better about herself. "Listen kitten, I appreciate it. I do. But I don't need you to remind me of what I am worth. I already know that. My ego is the size of this house, I just have some shitty moments of self doubt. Who doesn't?"
She crossed her stained legs and tilted her head, eyes finally back to their cool blue tone. "I do not feel bad for being different, and neither should you. You got yourself in over your head, you already know that, but don't feel too bad about it. You are young, a hell of a lot younger than Gil and I. I cannot recall the last time Gil met a girl and did not try to fuck, rape, eat, or punch her. I have seen it a million times and you are not dead yet, which means you did something right." Alierah offered Akeelah a somber smile. "If you truly want to stop causing everyone the pain that you believe you are, don't hurt yourself. The only pain you are is a pain in my damn ass because it is like sitting on a pin trying to save yours."
The brunette could tell her shapeshifter friend was just trying to do what she thought was best. It actually sort of hurt Alierah that Akeelah didn't want to stick around, though she didn't quite understand why. Ali was usually pretty great at figuring out her emotions and being level, but some feelings evaded her. "You do not need to be sorry. Don't be. Everything is chill, okay? Except... Maybe your body. Oh, shit, you can die from blood loss can't you?" Ali remembered the dress around her ankle and tore it from the tire, ripping it in half. She used the pieces to tie around what she could of Akeelah's wounds to deter the blood. "If this does not stop, we are taking you to the hospital. Or taking you to Katrina." The hellhound wished she could just heal Akeelah's wounds for her.
Unlike Jude, the only person Ali couldn't heal was herself. She could heal other people, but not from self-harm. It was complicated... Self-harm was considered a pretty big sin, and Ali couldn't heal sins. If anything, she'd make the wound worse. Technically anything could be considered a sin, which really through off the demon-servant, but she just followed the rules and didn't ask questions there. Alierah really just wanted to avoid the angelic shapeshifter for obvious reasons, but she also got the creepiest feeling when she was around Kat. It was like the tiny blonde kittypet was waiting for her to fuck up or something.
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Shapeshifter
Civilian
18
1,409 posts
4 likes
Played by Akeekitty
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Post by Akeelah on Apr 21, 2016 21:55:33 GMT -5
Why did she keep blaming herself for everything? That was something that really seemed to confuse Alierah and she wasn't alone. For the few people she had ever dared utter those words to they didn't seem to understand why she did it, if anything they looked sad when she said things like that. That was why Akeelah kept those thoughts to herself for the most part. It was a hard question to answer, she didn't know if she could give an adequate answer. It was just....how she felt. It was Gil that did those things yet she took some of the responsibility of his actions on herself. She should have seen what was going on. Gil was her mate, as his mate she had to be in tune to his thoughts and feelings at some point. She should have seen the glaring problems in their relationship but she didn't. Now here she was, sitting in a pool of her own blood because she was too blind and stupid to see what had been happening right under her nose.
How pathetic. She was too blind, stupid, and weak to live. Those thoughts constantly plagued her mind. Try as she might she couldn't escape them. In the end she had no choice but to accept them as reality. It was a complicated issue to explain and Akeelah did not have the time or the strength to try and get Alierah to understand so she didn't try. She was done, all she wanted to do was just accept her fate and be done with it. But she wasn't going to be let off the hook that easily. Akeelah did not see Ali's attack coming. Out of no where the other female started stabbing herself. Seeing what Ali had done, and knowing it was because of what she had done made the shifter snap. Fear and sadness overcame her as she tried to stop Ali from doing any more damage to herself. She sobbed uncontrollably, apologizing profusely in between sobs until she ran out of breath.
She was having another panic attack. Akeelah had been having a lot of those as of late, but this one came at a really bad time. Calm down and breath. she could still remember what John had drilled in her head for times like these. Akeelah held on tightly to Alierah's arm as she tried to force air back into her lungs. The feel of Ali's arm and her voice was the only thing keeping her anchored on the world around her, helping her to break out of her panic. It took some time for her to finally calm down and when she did she was exhausted. Too exhausted to speak. It took what energy she had left to give a weak nod when Alierah asked if she might die from her injuries. Any other time she might have found such a question funny. Sometimes hellhounds forgot just how fragile her kind was. While shifters were a bit more durable than humans were their bodies didn't recover as fast as others. Akeelah had seen Guillotine take more damage than someone like her was capable of taking in his place. Alierah must be the same, but somewhere in all the chaos Akeelah forgot that.
Akeelah's grip loosened as Alierah pulled away from her. The moment that Alierah moved Akeelah laid down. Her head was swimming too much for her to keep sitting up anymore. All she wanted to do now was sleep, but would she ever wake up again if she did so? Akeelah was dimly aware that Ali was trying to wrap something around her arm. The shifter tried to pull her arm away. Fix yourself first That was what she wanted to say but no sound got passed her lips before she finally passed out.
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